Behavior can be modified and adapted, even in spite of thinking alternative ideas, values, or beliefs. Behavior change can occur when we put our minds to something, even though we do not necessarily agree that it should be happening. This is called volitional capacity. Neuroscience has proven through plasticity, the brain can change neural pathways in about 28 days of new behavior. Within the Five Stages of Change, action is needed to change behavior, followed by pre-contemplation. What stage are you in? The human brain development is not complete in some people until well into their late twenties. Children need adults to help them arrive at the appropriate decision, by giving them coping strategies and possible solutions. Is the lollipop given to them before your desired change for them or after? Whatever the consequence or subsequent action to a behavior will affect the preceding action. This same principle we can use for ourselves or with other people. Once you see this; you cannot unsee it. Gottman, the relationship expert relates that using softer start-ups with complaints instead of criticism, is part of healthy relationship functioning, yet giving your partner some time to get used to this new behavior dynamic.
In classic Behaviorism, B.F. Skinner taught a pigeon to play ping pong based on rewards and consequences to actions. As Homo Sapiens, we choose our behavior. This can also be seen in helping children grow and know they have power and control over their choices: by giving them alternative behaviors or desired outcomes to choose from. Would you like to do A or would you like to do B? It is your choice. 'If you chose to do A, you will/will not get B'. The saying 'catch your children being good' goes a long way to developing healthy functioning, and creating habits of behaving and thinking.